19 Tips for a Long Lasting Marriage

Marriage is bliss, so they say. So, why do over 60% of marriages end in divorce? How do you and your spouse avoid becoming part of that statistic?

What are the keys to a successful, healthy marriage? I want to share my own secrets to a happy, healthy marriage as a woman who has been with the same man for over 20 years. We have had a lot of bumps, but I can say that we have an ideal marriage. We rarely fight, and we are always on the same team.

My marriage is the most important thing in my life, and it’s the most important thing in my husband’s life. We are growing old and confident that we will be together until one of us dies. That is a 100% fact.

How did we get there? It wasn’t always easy. We had a bumpy beginning. But we found what works, and now I will share our secrets for a healthy and happy marriage with you.

Marriage Tip One

Be compatible in the first place!

This is important. And it requires self-discipline from the very beginning. Right away, I am going to caution against participating in hookup culture. Do not give yourself to random people you meet at the bar. Only share that part of yourself with someone you trust and feel compatible with. This person doesn’t have to be a carbon copy of yourself, but they should share your values, morals, and principles in life.

You do not have to share the same religious beliefs in order to share the same principles and morals. Check out my post on the morals that Christians and pagans share. However, you must be grounded in your own principles and only accept partners who share these values.

You should also be emotionally and mentally compatible. Many marriages fail because the two were not meant to be together in the first place.

For tips on spotting a husband who is in tune with his divine masculinity, check out my blog post on the divine masculine. (Yes, I intend to make a post about the divine feminine, too.)

Marriage Tip Two

Don’t Try to Change or Fix Your Spouse

On the same note, remember that your partner will have flaws. You have flaws, too. We are human, and humans have flaws. Don’t change a person. If they have toxic flaws or flaws that you don’t feel are compatible with your morals and values, don’t marry them!

Marriage changes people, and your strengths will bring out the best in your partner. They will want to change themselves on their own. If they don’t, they aren’t the ones. And if you aren’t willing to change or work on yourself, you may not be the one for them.

Marriage Tip Three

It’s not always about you- but sometimes, it is!

A marriage is a partnership. It can’t always be about what you want. Don’t think you are entitled to everything if you aren’t willing to give anything back. Selfishness does not make a good marriage.

On the same notion, don’t give so much to someone who isn’t giving anything in return. You both have to be in this together. Always be willing to give what you receive.

Marriage Tip Four

Don’t Compete with your spouse

Don’t try to be better than your spouse. You both have strengths and weaknesses; if you are compatible, your strengths will lift your partner’s weaknesses, and they will do the same for you. Don’t wage this endless war between men and women.

This toxic idea that men or women are the enemy must stop. Men and women both need each other. We are different, but we are not superior or inferior to one another. We are equal parts of one whole.

Marriage Tip Five

Communicate

This is big. Always communicate with your partner! Don’t hide things from them. Always talk things out. You can’t go wrong with communicating.

I tell my husband everything that happens to me. And I tell him about everything I’m feeling. Even when things are good, and they usually are, we never stop communicating. We discuss big or even little decisions with each other and always keep one another in the loop.

When he comes home, I am usually cooking dinner, and I ask him how his day was. We talk about what’s on our minds. We’ve been together for over 20 years, and there are still times when we spend hours just talking.

Marriage Tip Six

Trust your partner

If you can’t trust your partner, you are not compatible. Deceit never works out well in a marriage. Don’t hide things from your partner; always be transparent.

My husband and I have phones and private areas. Although I never invaded his privacy or went through his things, I never felt the need to. Because I trust him. It would never enter my wildest dreams to go through his phone. And if he asked for my phone, I’d hand it right over because I have nothing to hide.

Don’t look over your partner’s shoulders. Don’t marry someone you can’t trust in the first place. And don’t be someone your partner can’t trust.

Marriage Tip Seven

Have separate domains

Decide how you want to split the responsibilities. You must complete certain tasks. Income must come in to support the household, and domestic duties such as cooking, cleaning, and home maintenance must be completed.

This is a blog for homemakers, so I will assume that one spouse works outside the home and the other takes care of the domestic responsibilities.

This is where having a separate sphere of influence helps. Your spouse should know what their responsibilities are. They are the income provider, the protector, and the breadwinner. Trust them to do that job.

Your job is the home: cooking, cleaning, money management, and child care. Your spouse’s job is to make money; your job is to manage it and turn it into food and what your family needs.

There are no leaders in this scenario. Your spouse has their domain, the area where they lead, and you have the areas where you take the lead. You are a team.

Marriage Tip Eight

Don’t Micromanage

Do not micromanage your spouse’s domain using the same token as the above. He has his job, and you have yours. Don’t interfere in his job, don’t control how he does his job, trust that he knows what he needs to do.

And don’t allow him to micromanage you. You shouldn’t need to be told how to cook or organize the home. You should be independent enough to know what needs to get done and how to do it. This is really what is meant by being an independent woman. Being resourceful and taking the initiative. The home is your domain, and you are the boss!

But making money and providing for the home is his job, and he trusts he knows how to do it. Allow him to be independent as well.

Marriage Tip Nine

Support one another and never be a source of judgment

While you can both be independent within your marriage, you should also both be able to lean on one another. Never be your spouse’s bully!

My husband knows he can always come to me about anything he feels and will never get judged. He can be vulnerable with me. He doesn’t have to worry that I will go blasting the things he says and does in confidence all over the internet. This hurts trust. Don’t be someone your partner can’t trust.

Marriage Tip Ten

Give Each Other Space

Give each other some space to be themselves. Even in our small apartment, my husband has his own space, and I have mine. These are our spaces, and although we are welcome to visit one another’s spaces anytime we need to, we also know when to let each other be alone. This is an important form of self-care.

Marriage Tip Eleven

Spend Time With One Another

You can give each other space, but don’t neglect one another. Even in your busy lives, try to find time to spend together. Make the evenings your time together after the kids go to bed. Make time for date night to explore your relationship.

Marriage Tip Twelve

Appreciate One Another

Make sure your spouse feels appreciated for everything they do. Don’t demand of them. Thank them for doing their job, even if it’s something that’s expected of them.

My husband has never forced me to be a homemaker and to do all the cooking and cleaning. I do it because I want to and see it as my responsibility. And even though it is my job, my husband never makes demands of me. Because that’s the difference between a homemaker and a servant. I’m not a servant. My husband thanks me for providing us both with homemade meals, and he’s never come home and demanded dinner, even though he knows it’s what I agreed to in this marriage.

Marriage Tip Thirteen

Learn to Compromise

Learn to compromise with your partner. Don’t be on the defense; don’t be stubborn. Work things out with your partner. Don’t see compromise as a defeat. You shouldn’t be competing with your spouse.

Marriage Tip Fourteen

Intimacy is Important

Don’t lose intimacy. This one may confuse people, but I think it’s important. In my marriage, I make it a point to say no to my husband’s need for intimacy rarely. Unless I’m sick or physically unable, I always make it a point to keep the passion alive.

My husband never has cause to look elsewhere for intimacy because he gets what he needs from me. And I get what I need from him.

Marriage Tip Fifteen

Your Spouse Comes First- Don’t allow 3rd parties to come between your marriage

This includes parents and in-laws. When you are married, your spouse comes before your parents. That’s how it is. Don’t allow friends or other family members to drive a wedge between you. Many outside parties will try to judge how you do things. Don’t let them!

My husband and I have been lucky because our families have always supported us, and we both have good families. But always take that into consideration.

If your spouse is being unreasonable toward your family members, that is a different story, but when it comes to your marriage, other family members don’t get the final say.

Marriage Tip Sixteen

Respect your spouse in public

Don’t put down your spouse or ridicule them in front of others. Don’t talk about them behind their backs when you are with others and away from your spouse.

Marriage Tip Seventeen

Keep your identity and allow your spouse to do the same

Everyone had hobbies and interests before their marriage. You shouldn’t have to give up who you are and lose your identity to marriage- to a point. There is a time to compromise.

If your husband likes to play games with friends, don’t stop him from doing that on his own time. If you have things you do with your friends, try to keep that going. Healthy peer groups are important to a healthy marriage.

Marriage Tip Eighteen

Work through hard times

Every marriage faces hard times—financial troubles, child troubles—but always communicate and be a team. These times are a time to be a strong force. You are stronger as a team, and you can face adversity together.

Marriage Tip Nineteen

Remember that marriages take work

Last but not least, remember that marriages take hard work and dedication from both spouses. I can’t emphasize this enough. Don’t be so ready to head to divorce court the second things go wrong or after every fight.

Marriages fail when one or both parties stop trying to make them work. Be dedicated to making them work. It’s easy to give up.

Conclusion

These are my tips for a long-lasting marriage. They aren’t based on research or studies; they are based solely on my own experience. You can have a long and healthy marriage if you work on these things.

You should never tolerate abuse. None of my tips apply to an abusive relationship. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, check out some resources to help you get out. Check out these signs of an abusive relationship.

And remember, abuse can be emotional, mental, or physical, and it goes both ways. You can have an abusive husband, and you could be an abusive wife.